


Five Christmas Eves on the Farm (and One Christmas Day)

by miss_whimsy



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Christmas, Fluff, M/M, Robron Secret Santa 2017
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-22 00:54:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13155720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miss_whimsy/pseuds/miss_whimsy
Summary: What if Robert had stayed to run the farm after Jack died? What if Aaron had followed his dream to work with animals?Six snapshots of life at Christmas for Robert and Aaron.





	Five Christmas Eves on the Farm (and One Christmas Day)

**Author's Note:**

> My Secret Santa gift for [vaticanchameleon](http://vaticanchameleon.tumblr.com/). Merry Robronmas, Livia!
> 
> The lines in italics are taken from the letter Diane reads out at Jack’s funeral.

_Annie gave me a letter that Jack wrote just before he died._

 

Robert’s hands gripped the steering wheel, fingers flexing with nervous energy. He couldn’t stop. He couldn’t look back. If he hesitated his resolve would collapse. He’d meant what he’d said. He didn’t belong there. Maybe he’d never belonged there. He couldn’t run a farm. He couldn’t be head of a family he barely knew anymore. Is that what Andy expected him to do? Swoop in and save them as if nothing had happened? As if nothing had changed?

A glance in his mirror, a split second of longing for that family that still meant so much to him, even through all the pain, the disappointment, angry words and recriminations. Death and heartbreak. Andy and Katie. His mum. His dad. 

The car had stopped before he even realised and he was watching Andy run towards him, calling his name, begging him to get out and talk.

It was February.

Robert was home.

 

_To Victoria, Andy, Darren and I hope one day, Robert._

 

**Christmas Eve, 2009**

Christmas didn’t change much on a farm. That was one of the many and varied reasons why Robert hadn’t wanted to become a farmer in the first place. Getting up at 4 a.m. to feed the cows certainly wasn’t part of most people’s vision of a traditional Christmas. Neither was forcing yourself to go to bed at 8 p.m. on Christmas Eve so you could get up at 4 a.m.

Victoria had fallen asleep watching Santa Claus the Movie, curled in a ball at one end of the sofa, feet tucked under Robert’s leg. Andy was dozing in the armchair, mouth open and fingers twitching.

They’d spent the last ten months fighting to be better - for the farm, for their family - and somewhere along the way they’d settled into this, the first good Christmas Robert could remember since his mum had died.

He eased himself up off the sofa and covered Victoria with a blanket, doing his best not to disturb her. Andy muttered something and Robert touched his head as he passed, gentle and brief.

The living room was cosy, fire crackling in the hearth and the only light coming from the tv and lights on the Christmas tree. Robert rubbed his eyes when he stepped into the kitchen and closed the door behind him to preserve the warmth as he bundled himself up in a coat and gloves. 

Snow was falling when Robert stepped outside and he shivered, rubbing his hands together as he trudged across the yard towards the barn to check on the beasts before bed.

His steps slowed as he approached and he heard the soft murmur of a voice inside the barn. Someone inside was having an intense conversation with the cows, or else some sort of Christmas miracle had taught them to talk.

Robert pushed open the door to the barn as quietly as possible and slipped inside.

"I hate this,” the voice continued, quietly. “I hate feeling like this. I don't know what to do."

"Aaron?"

Aaron jumped up from the bale of hay he'd been sitting on. Gertrude turned her head towards Robert and stamped a foot, seemingly annoyed that Robert had interrupted Aaron's confession.

"Robert, I'm sorry, I..."

"Are you alright?" Robert asked. Aaron looked afraid and Robert recognised the nervous tension of someone about to make a bolt for it. He held up his hands. "I didn't hear anything. I swear. Just wondering why you're here and not at Paddy's."

"I just needed to get away," Aaron muttered. "I'll go. ‘M sorry."

"Well you're here now," Robert said and nodded towards the hay. "You can help me feed this lot, Doctor Doolittle."

Aaron's nose scrunched up and he snorted with laughter. "Doctor Doolittle?"

"He talks to the animals."

Aaron shook his head but laughed again and set to work feeding Gertrude.

Robert kept one eye on Aaron as he made his way through the barn, checking on each of the cows. Aaron followed behind him, talking to them as he filled up their food and replenished the hay.

“You’re good with them,” Robert said when they were done.

Aaron shrugged a little, keeping his attention on the cows rather than on Robert. “I like animals more than people. They don’t let you down.”

“Well we could always use more help around here if you want,” Robert offered, surprising himself. “Not that we can pay you mind.”

Aaron didn’t reply and Robert didn’t push. He was a weird one, but nice enough when you managed to push past the defensive layers of bravado he’d built around himself. 

“Guess you’ll be following Paddy into the family business then,” Robert said as they left the barn and walked back across the yard towards the house. 

“You what?” Aaron stopped walking and Robert stopped a couple of paces later and turned to face him.

“Well if you want to work with animals and you don’t want to be a farmer,” Robert said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat. “You’ll want to be a vet.”

Aaron looked at Robert as if he’d gone mad. 

“It was just a thought,” Robert muttered. “Come on inside anyway, it’s freezing.”

“Nah, I should be getting back,” Aaron said, already backing away. “Thanks though.”

“I’ll give you a lift,” Robert said. “Just let me grab my keys.”

“No really,” Aaron insisted. “Don’t bother yourself. See you around, Robert.”

Robert watched him go, torn between dragging him back into the house to warm up or forcing him to get in the car so he could be sure he got home safely.

“Merry Christmas,” he called finally, just as Aaron reached the gate and he saw a hand wave in acknowledgement.

If he stayed there long after Aaron had disappeared from sight, no one needed to know but him.

 

_By the time you read this I’ll have gone. I’m sorry I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye but I want you to know that I’m proud of you all and I love you very much._

 

**Christmas Eve, 2014**

It was raining. Aaron drove slowly and carefully along the dark country lanes towards the farm, trying to keep his attention focused on the road ahead and not on the drunken idiot in the passenger seat. 

The party at the pub had been in full swing when he’d arrived home earlier, Andy celebrating his last night of freedom before the wedding tomorrow with practically the whole village. 

It had been an interesting way to introduce Joshua to his friends and to Paddy, who had monopolised him after the first hour to talk about the role of vaccination in the control of tuberculosis in badgers. Aaron had excused himself to talk to Andy and had ended up sitting next to Robert at the end of the bar, catching up.

“You almost done then?” Robert had asked. “Becoming a vet, I mean.”

“Yeah, I graduate soon,” Aaron had told him. “Then I have to start looking for a real job.”

“Paddy’ll give a job,” Robert said, finishing his beer. “You want another?”

“No thanks,” Aaron said. “And I know Paddy would give me a job, but I don’t want charity.”

“It’s not charity,” Robert protested. “Paddy believes in you. And it’d be nice to have you back around here full time.”

“Well it’s not all up to me is it?” Aaron laughed, nodding over to Joshua who was passionately defending his stance to Paddy. Surely they couldn’t still be talking about badgers.

Robert hadn’t asked any more questions, but he had continued drinking, sitting morosely at the bar for most of the night until Vic and Andy approached to see if he was alright.

“I’m fine,” Robert had said, twice as loud as he should have been and when he stood he stumbled over his feet, knocking the stool to the floor.

“I think you should go to bed, mate,” Andy said, catching Robert’s arm and keeping him steady. “Big day tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Robert agreed, patting Andy’s cheek twice. “Yeah. I’ll go.”

“You can’t go home,” Vic said, sighing when he waved her away. “Robert, you’re hammered.”

Which is when Aaron had offered to drive him. 

Now, Robert was leaning against the passenger door, forehead pressed to the window. Aaron couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. It wasn’t every day the love of your life married your brother.

And this was the second time it had happened.

He parked as close to the house as he could and hurried around to help Robert inside.

“Come on, Rob,” Aaron said, easing him down onto the sofa. “You’ll be alright. I’ll get you some water, yeah?”

“Stay,” Robert said, quietly, catching Aaron’s hand. “Please.”

“Of course,” Aaron told him. “Let me get you the water first though.”

He was back in under a minute, pushing the glass into Robert’s hand as he sat down next to him.

“Must be hard for you. All of this.”

Robert frowned. “All of what?”

“Andy and Katie. The wedding.”

“Oh.” Robert gulped down some of the water. “Not really.”

“I thought you and Katie…”

“That was forever ago,” Robert sighed. “She fits better with Andy.”

“Doesn’t stop it hurting.”

Robert shrugged. “How do you do it?”

“Do what?” Aaron asked with a laugh.”

“Tell people. You told all those people. Paddy. Your mum. Weren’t you scared?”

Aaron stared at Robert in shock, his mind whizzing ahead to piece together what Robert was saying. 

He couldn’t be saying that.

“You’ve got a nice bloke and you can sit there with him and everyone’s just happy for you.”

“Robert…”

“How do you do it?”

Aaron couldn’t tear his eyes away from Robert. Robert who was staring at the lights on the Christmas tree as though they held the answers to the universe. Robert, who was - coming out to him?

“I was terrified,” Aaron said, honestly. “I still am terrified, every time I have to tell someone new. I’m always braced for their face to change, their smile to slip. I didn’t want it. Paddy… Paddy was there for me. I couldn’t have done it without him.”

Robert nodded but didn’t look away from the tree. “My dad…”

He trailed off. Aaron could see his jaw working as he worked out what to say next. He reached over and put his hand on Robert’s arm. 

“Yeah, it’s harder now for you. Without your parents. But you have Vic. Vic was great when I told her.”

Robert’s head whipped towards him. “I’m not gay.”

“Robert, it’s alright.” 

“I’m not gay,” he repeated. “I’m not.”

“Robert, calm down,” Aaron begged, but Robert was already on his feet and pulling Aaron up with him. 

“You have to leave.”

“Okay,” Aaron said. “Okay. I’m going. I’m sorry.”

He left before Robert could say anything else, hesitating only once the front door had slammed closed behind him. 

There was a creak of a chair. The sound of glass breaking. 

Aaron closed his eyes when Robert started to cry.

It was time to go home.

 

_I wish I could have come back and spent my last days on the farm with you because that’s been my life._

 

**Christmas Eve, 2015**

 

Robert had always known the farm would have to diversify. Andy could argue with him until he was blue in the face about what their dad had wanted, but the world had changed - they’d all changed - and if the farm didn’t change they were going to fail.

The old barn needed a lot of work, but both Annie and Diane had invested and they’d managed to secure a bank loan for the rest of the money they needed to convert it. It had taken months of hard work, planning and fighting, but they’d made it. 

_Sarah’s_ was Victoria’s baby. A restaurant of her own, selling quality homemade food. 

Robert was proud.

“It’s beautiful,” he’d told her a week earlier when they’d all gathered in the yard to see the lights turn on and their mother’s name was illuminated, simple and elegant and perfect.

A grand opening for the locals on Christmas Eve had seemed like a good idea at the time, but with the staff not due to start until January, they’d all been roped in to help. Andy was helping in the kitchen, while Robert and Katie waited tables.

“Shouldn’t I be helping in here?” Robert asked, watching Andy peer into a steamer filled with veg. “I have more experience.”

“You also like being in charge,” Vic said. “Andy does as he’s told.” She pushed a pile of plates into Andy’s hands and pointed at the counter. “Go.”

Robert left them to it and made his way through the busy tables towards the waiting guests.

“Ooo, this is fancy isn’t it?” Chas said when he reached her, gesturing to the room. “And you’re looking pretty fancy too, Robert.”

“Mum,” Aaron hissed, shooting Robert an apologetic look. 

“What?” Chas said. “I can look can’t I? Robert knows I’m only teasing.”

Robert bit his lip to stop himself laughing and led Chas, Aaron and a girl of maybe fifteen, to an empty table.

“I don’t know you, do I?” he asked the girl as he handed her a menu.

“Ten out of ten for observation,” she said. “I don’t know you either.”

“This is my sister,” Aaron said quickly, shooting her a look. “Liv. Liv this is Robert.”

“Oh, you’re Robert,” Liv said. “I was wondering when I’d meet you. He talks about you all the time.”

Robert smiled slightly and pretended he didn’t notice Aaron kick Liv under the table. 

“I’ll be right back to take your order,” he said. “Can I get you any drinks to start?”

“Lemonade,” Liv said. “With gin.”

“Lemonade,” Robert repeated, scribbling it on his pad. “No alcohol.”

“I’ll have a beer,” Aaron said, smiling gratefully. “You know what I like.”

“And I’ll have a beer too,” Chas said. “Whatever he’s having.”

 

Aaron pushed open the door to the kitchen an hour later and tentatively poked his head inside. 

“Can I come in?”

“Yes of course,” Vic told him. “In fact, you can take over from Andy for five minutes so he’ll stop complaining.”

“I need the loo!” Andy exclaimed. “I’m not complaining for the sake of it.”

Aaron gamely stepped in to help, letting Andy escape. “I just wanted to say congratulations.”

“Aww, thanks, Aaron. That means a lot. And if I wasn’t covered in fish I’d hug you.”

“Save the hugging for tomorrow please,” Robert said as he entered the kitchen. “Are you forcing our guests to work now?”

“He’s not a guest,” Vic argued. “It’s Aaron.”

“Right,” Aaron laughed. 

“He’s paying.”

“Actually mum’s paying,” Aaron told him with a wink. “Christmas treat apparently since Liv’s here.”

“She seems, er…”

“Yeah, she is,” Aaron said. “But she’s great. Just you know. Sisters.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Oi!” Vic said, brandishing a ladle at them. “That’s enough of that. Aaron, stir. Robert, service.”

“Yes, chef,” Robert sighed and swept from the room, plates in hand. 

Aaron stirred the sauce, unable to stop himself from smiling. 

 

_I’ve been thinking a lot about home lately and I feel blessed to have spent my life working on the land like my dad and his dad before him._

 

**Christmas Eve, 2016**

Bessie was, at most, a day away from calving. Robert had been checking on her all day, making sure she was safe; he had moved her into a comfortable corner of the barn, remembering all the times he’d done it as a child, helping his dad with the calves and the lambs. 

He’d done this a handful of times over the years since he’d returned, but this was the first time he’d faced it alone. He couldn’t begrudge Andy and Katie spending their Christmas away from the village, but it was still nerve-racking to have the entire farm to run for a week without help.

“Easy girl,” he said, running his hand along Bessie’s side. “Easy. Won’t be long now.”

“Hello?”

“Aaron?”

“Hiya,” Aaron said, appearing at the entrance to the stall with a grin. “How’s the patient?”

“She’s not a patient,” Robert protested. “She’s a cow, giving birth. They do it all the time.”

“I meant you,” Aaron said, stepping forward to check on Bessie. “I know she can do it. Can’t you girl? It’s daddy who’s hopeless.”

“Did you just call me…?”

“Can you be useful for a change and hand me my stethoscope?” Aaron asked, talking over him. 

Robert glared at the back of his head but did as he was asked. 

“Thank you.”

Aaron continued his examination and Robert leant against the wall and watched him, arms folded over his chest.

“Well?”

“Yeah, everything’s fine,” Aaron told him, smiling again as he pulled a pair of rubber gloves out of his bag. “I just want to check the position. You can make us a cup of tea if you like, grumpy.”

 

Six hours and many cups of tea later, Bessie had given birth with only minimal help from Aaron and both were doing well. 

Robert and Aaron sat together on a bale of hay, watching the calf find its feet and take its first steps. 

“Congratulations,” Aaron said, nudging Robert gently. “You’re a grandad.”

“And you’re a little shit,” Robert shot back, far too fondly for Aaron to take offence. “Thank you.”

“She did all the work,” Aaron pointed out. “I was just here for moral support.”

“For me,” Robert said. “I mean it. Thank you. I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“Yeah, you could,” Aaron said. “You’re Robert. You can do anything.”

“I wish that was true.”

“It is true,” Aaron insisted. “I believe in you.”

Robert shook his head, surprised a second later when Aaron squeezed his knee. 

“I mean it.”

Their eyes met and held. Robert leant forward ever so slightly.

Aaron’s watch beeped.

“It’s midnight,” he said, smiling widely at Robert again. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Aaron.”

 

_When I was out in the fields I used to feel them there with me and I’ll be there with all of you, in the rain and the snow, when the lambs arrive and when the leaves fall from the trees._

 

**Christmas Eve, 2017**

Christmas didn’t change much on a farm. Except when it changed everything. 

Robert still had to get up at 4 a.m. to feed the cows and he still had to go to bed at 8 p.m. in order to do it. 

He didn’t mind so much anymore.

Victoria was in the kitchen, singing along to the radio while she made a fresh batch of mince pies, slapping at Adam’s hands every time he tried to stick his fingers in the cream. Andy and Katie were dozing on the sofa under a blanket, Love Actually playing in the background. Upstairs, Jack and Sarah were asleep, dreaming of Santa and presents and a whole day to come of being spoilt. 

Robert pulled on his coat and gloves and slipped away mostly unnoticed. Snow was falling when he stepped outside and he shivered, rubbing his hands together as he trudged across the yard towards the barn.

He stopped in the doorway, Aaron’s familiar form visible as he checked the cows and refilled their hay. 

“Everything alright, Doctor Doolittle?”

Aaron shook his head. Robert could see the smile on his face as they walked towards each other, meeting in the middle of the barn where Robert had helpfully positioned some mistletoe. 

"Isn’t that joke getting old?” Aaron asked. “Like you."

"Ouch,” Robert said, wrapping his arms around Aaron’s waist. “Right for the heart.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said. “How can I make it up to you?”

"I can think of a way,” Robert said, smiling as he leant in to kiss Aaron. “A few ways actually.”

 

_That’s a comfort to me. And I know I’m leaving the farm in capable hands._

 

**Christmas Day, 2017**

Robert woke up surrounded by warmth. 

The duvet was pulled up to his nose. He could see the first light of dawn creeping under the curtains. 

He was late.

"Shhhh."

Aaron was pressed along the length of his back, knees tucked behind his, one arm clamped firmly around his waist, fingers teasing at the edge of his boxers.

He really didn't want to move.

"Cows."

"Andy's doing it," Aaron told him, nuzzling Robert's neck. "Him and Katie."

Robert linked his fingers with Aaron's and raised them to his lips to kiss his fingertips. He felt Aaron shiver with laughter and press closer.

"Turkey."

"Mum's cooking it," Aaron reminded him and Robert grumbled slightly. "Oi."

"Oi, what?" Robert said, rolling over to face Aaron finally. He hooked his leg over Aaron's hip and brushed their noses together. "Merry Christmas."

"Yes, it is."


End file.
